ZZzzz.....

i have no idea what to blabber.nothing is going too good.what stays in my mind is, "to keep the momentum going,no matter what the situation is",and that inspires me a lot.i will owe it to mr edsley,one who said that to me,a person i talked to for not more than 100 words on phone and some 100 words through mail.i shall thank him the very moment i am through this phase.

The very astonishing aspect of everything i have achieved hitherto a week back lies in the fact that i find 75 percent of it absolutely useless to the ambition i have always had in life.Finally,with things going swift and cool,i have taken a stand on what i intend to make out of the rest of my years.all this long of high quality education and i was so unaware of the secret that life holds,strength that it gives and the excitement and happiness that an achievement could bring.i have begun my work,what i feel is my work.a week of self-analysis and reflection,i have opted out of everything,secluding myself to only one basic objective of shaping things up the way they should be.i have to take control of it before i end up being an another "waste of a human talent"(thats how they put it).it has already stirred the centiments of a few orthodox types when i announced my lack of interest in a job which makes no sense and an mba which again seems useless.comeon,if we could learn physics and maths without any serious teaching,who would need a guide for mba.and in the end,innovations are the pillars of this stream of education,and how could we ever be innovative ones lessons of management are fed in our brains.they teach history..to their best,they teach the present,they dont teach to think,if they say-they do,i could flatly snap-you can't..if you teach to think,then you are creating inhibitions and actually restricting the thoughts.you would say,you are giving it a right path to go on,but then is anyone sure if all the paths have been discovered.
thats about what i am upto,discovery,i have been little late in discovering myself but still i am happy that i did,in just right time.
deepawali awaits us all in less than a week...wishing everyone a very happy diwali and a life full of rock and roll . :).

night of aug 30.

there is no quilt in sight...this cold breeze arouses the hell out of me.so i thought may be it would be best to share somebody's quilt rather than to go and borrow heat from the next fellow's oven.

i called the girl who matches me the best way and leaves the least space for any breeze to enter if we are together.she is too modern,always available and excessively rich.the three perfect ingredients for a casual relationship.later,i fell asleep and thought that she had slept too.then,around 4 in morning she woke me up and asked me to light the fag with the heat of her bosom.i remember her saying,"wake up,light the fag,dont worry about the heat,there is lot underneath here-its burning inside..let smoke not slip out of your lips..the world is smoked out already"..wowww-even plato or kant hadn't said what you just did.the way she moved her lips and blinked her eyes,the browns of her hairs sparkling like a dim moon and the blacks making them look dim.
i was admiring her,noticing every move,capturing every bit of it.i knew,sooner or later it will become a memory too.she wanted me to say the truth always and i always did,that i dont love you..i carelessly uttered,"no crime has been charged,why do i still feel sentenced to death ?"..then  i looked at her while she slowly moved very close towards me,making me think that she wants an another trip,kissed me flirtatiously and picked the pack of cigarette lying on the other corner of bed,lighted two,gave me one.held hers in her left hand,came back to me,moving her lips all around,still smelling like cloves,stopped at my ears,and said," the way you leave your teeth marks behind,farmers could forget how to hack their crops..how could anyone settle with a brute like you..just that i did."

I didnt know if that was a compliment or a gesture to seduce,but whatever it was,i felt those moments.the feeling was very similar to the feeling of hope on a plateau of death.she had taught me the very code of existence.the best way to live is to live.

this is strange september.it ends with a bounty of surprises,always.dussehra went by like a dull monday of march.leo always finds a knack of panick in his everlasting deeds,this time bringing a chaotic new babe in his dramatic old life.far from it,suyash stands still and stubborn,behaving like a multi-headed hydra,bole to kameena no 1.tries to put on a strange dude type attire and tries to become leo,huh.someone gotta come and take my breath away.well a pint always does the rest and ofcourse irresistible kings by itc always adds to the flare of his guilts.special zara chicken and a lollypop then makes it look like a gaga time.i hope the september ends now.cat comes calling and high on spirits with a latest aimcat percentile of around 99,he is all set to drool in the effect of over confidence,yet again.it always eats the future.i get this feeling now-i cannot wait no longer,i know your love will keep me happy-will keep me stronger.i cannot live without you-i know your love is the only one so true.in the end,lying flat,the bundle of expectations and forgotten promises flashes straight up his temples.rahon mein tanha hun saath le chal yun...sang tere safar pura karun.

and then,october would come.baby,come and be my guiding light !

It felt like spring time on this monsoon morning

In the courtyard birds were singing your praise

I'm still recalling things you said to make me feel alright

I carried them with me today

Now,

As I lay me down to sleep

This I pray

That you will hold me dear

Though I'm far away

I'll whisper your name

Into the sky

And i will wake up happy

I wonder why I feel so high

Though I am not above the sorrow

Heavy hearted

Till you call my name

And it sounds like church bells

Or the whistle of a train

On a summer evening

I'll run to meet you

Barefoot barely breathing

As I lay me down to sleep

This I pray

That you will hold me dear

Though I'm far away

I'll whisper your name into the sky

And I will wake up happy

It's not too near for me

Like a flower i need the rain

Though it's not clear to me

Every season has its change

And I will see you

When the sun comes out again.

lay me doon,in the caul caul groon..

lay me doon,in the caul caul groon

whaur afore,monie mair hav gaun

when they come,A wull staun ma groon

staun ma groon,Al nae be afraid

thoughts awe hame,tak awa ma fear

sweat an bluid,hide ma veil awe tears

ains a year,say a prayer faur me

close yir een,an remember me

weirdo

Here is a bit of weirdo from me,please cooperate and understand the indepth meaning of this precious piece of philosophy ;) 

as my thoughts plundered,it got stuck on the very beginning of my life and i thought when does life really begin ? Is it when the first fluttering beats of the primitive heart of a foetus start, or when the child is pushed from the womb into the world? Does it all actually start at the moment of conception when the egg and sperm meet and mix their genetic code together to create a new being? Who can say really... No one knows because,no one is sure of when life truely begins.I'm not a scientist, a theologist, or even a doctor.But,I have thought about when life truely began.

now here is why i wrote all that,

its cold here.its always raining and i am stuck with ups and downs in body temperature,frequent return of cough,cold and the ultimate effect of being sick,being soporific 24 hrs a day.so whenever i lay back,i do innovative things,basically in the field of philosophy.now the important point is,what could i be if i was left free at the age of 7 in order to discover my own elixir and where would i be now,at the age of 21 ? i have figured out that i could be a wanderer with the least of clothing somewhere in north eastern part of russia or in the forests of central africa,drinking the nile water and living on natural fruits and leaves as my food.very realistically speaking,its too difficult to imagine these kind of weird things in life,it requires an immense drill,understanding of ones self and a hell lot of logical ability ;) , ciao.

Relaxed and Happy :)

AIMCAT 1014                                                                    PAPER CODE : 111

No of questions : 70 (20+30+20)

SECTION 1(quants)        SECTION 2(verbal)         SECTION 3(DI)

no of q's :20                      no of q's : 30                       no of q's : 20

attempted = 15                attempted = 22                  attempted = 14

correct = 12                      correct = 19                        correct = 12

marks = 12*4-3=45        marks = 19*4-3=73          marks = 12*4-2=46

max marks = 80              max marks = 120              max marks = 80

total marks = 45+73+46=164

max marks = 280

i just love preparing these reports,but only when its good.as a matter of fact,i always struggled performing in these mock cats.its relieving and certainly quite a booster in view of the cat coming soon.basically,i feel good :)

El Dorado

wouldn't the wheel of fortune for a man take a steep roller coaster turn if he found the treasure,a place which still naps in the discreet jungle of backwardness and if that man lives with the potential of making a change and turning the lives.the El Dorado is Patna,uncharted-unfathomed ,urging for the revival of an extraordinary beauty it held hetherto a century ago.excuse me,because bill gates has lived his time,ambani is no more and i cant notice anyone else as powerful or as entrepreneurial so that to make such big a discovery and at the same time,more importantly to comprehend such a potential.the change requires 2 things:belief and self-belief.lets wait for the one i am talking about.if he succeeds,everyone certainly will know it.

my diary.

its not even dawn.dont know why,but i have fallen a prey to believe in omen's and stars.and a shooting star whom i saw told me everything i needed to know.among many directions that were enforced upon me,it also told something quite unexpected:it sugggested never to fall in love if i already am in love(infact u cant).before it disappeared in a universe of its own,i could see a dazzling smile and a note saying,'see ya.'

its a common weakness i suffer from,the instinct of feeling embarrassed because of the nudiustertian moments of my life and then for a fraction of a fraction i do pine about the appurtenances i have failed to set store by.i should subvert.a sort of presentiment or rather prescience is always trying to indicate the impending walkaway's.even when i slip,its because of the heterogeneity between me and my own silhouette and therefore a precised flip-flop is imperative to stock me up and to help myself get rid of that miniscule but dangerous temperamental attitude still prevailing somewhere innards.

chennai,mumbai,hyderabad fascinates me and that is when i rise to the potential i hold and everyone holds.an eminent professsor from stockholm schol of economics asked me to name the most over-rated person in my view and less then in an instant i said mr. amitabh bachchan.he asked me to explain,later he agreed after understanding the frivolousness of the nature of work these entertainers do and how ineligible are they for the amount of rewards they walk away with.in the end,they are just entertainers and actually the most selfish people:if selfishness is a virtue of self consciousness and understanding how much you get for how little you do.

i am so sure and confident of dating and having sex with deepika padukone or malaika arora khan or anyone if i make it a point(but sorry,i am in love).the point is even beethoven and tan sen are not known as much as these street dancers are but the good thing is street dancers will always be known as street dancer and a beethoven as a beethoven.i intend to differentiate between an artist and an on sale puppet.none of my business,and i dont want to waste time either.

setting it to an end,i have a steadfast perspicacity about being nothing more than i would deserve and till i am,to keep trying and sticking to the person i want to be and on my own conditions.ofcourse,i cannot ever compromise for anything less than i should and neither would i ever fall to the wonders of money.in the end-we make it,not that it makes us.