ZZzzz.....

i have no idea what to blabber.nothing is going too good.what stays in my mind is, "to keep the momentum going,no matter what the situation is",and that inspires me a lot.i will owe it to mr edsley,one who said that to me,a person i talked to for not more than 100 words on phone and some 100 words through mail.i shall thank him the very moment i am through this phase.

The very astonishing aspect of everything i have achieved hitherto a week back lies in the fact that i find 75 percent of it absolutely useless to the ambition i have always had in life.Finally,with things going swift and cool,i have taken a stand on what i intend to make out of the rest of my years.all this long of high quality education and i was so unaware of the secret that life holds,strength that it gives and the excitement and happiness that an achievement could bring.i have begun my work,what i feel is my work.a week of self-analysis and reflection,i have opted out of everything,secluding myself to only one basic objective of shaping things up the way they should be.i have to take control of it before i end up being an another "waste of a human talent"(thats how they put it).it has already stirred the centiments of a few orthodox types when i announced my lack of interest in a job which makes no sense and an mba which again seems useless.comeon,if we could learn physics and maths without any serious teaching,who would need a guide for mba.and in the end,innovations are the pillars of this stream of education,and how could we ever be innovative ones lessons of management are fed in our brains.they teach history..to their best,they teach the present,they dont teach to think,if they say-they do,i could flatly snap-you can't..if you teach to think,then you are creating inhibitions and actually restricting the thoughts.you would say,you are giving it a right path to go on,but then is anyone sure if all the paths have been discovered.
thats about what i am upto,discovery,i have been little late in discovering myself but still i am happy that i did,in just right time.
deepawali awaits us all in less than a week...wishing everyone a very happy diwali and a life full of rock and roll . :).

night of aug 30.

there is no quilt in sight...this cold breeze arouses the hell out of me.so i thought may be it would be best to share somebody's quilt rather than to go and borrow heat from the next fellow's oven.

i called the girl who matches me the best way and leaves the least space for any breeze to enter if we are together.she is too modern,always available and excessively rich.the three perfect ingredients for a casual relationship.later,i fell asleep and thought that she had slept too.then,around 4 in morning she woke me up and asked me to light the fag with the heat of her bosom.i remember her saying,"wake up,light the fag,dont worry about the heat,there is lot underneath here-its burning inside..let smoke not slip out of your lips..the world is smoked out already"..wowww-even plato or kant hadn't said what you just did.the way she moved her lips and blinked her eyes,the browns of her hairs sparkling like a dim moon and the blacks making them look dim.
i was admiring her,noticing every move,capturing every bit of it.i knew,sooner or later it will become a memory too.she wanted me to say the truth always and i always did,that i dont love you..i carelessly uttered,"no crime has been charged,why do i still feel sentenced to death ?"..then  i looked at her while she slowly moved very close towards me,making me think that she wants an another trip,kissed me flirtatiously and picked the pack of cigarette lying on the other corner of bed,lighted two,gave me one.held hers in her left hand,came back to me,moving her lips all around,still smelling like cloves,stopped at my ears,and said," the way you leave your teeth marks behind,farmers could forget how to hack their crops..how could anyone settle with a brute like you..just that i did."

I didnt know if that was a compliment or a gesture to seduce,but whatever it was,i felt those moments.the feeling was very similar to the feeling of hope on a plateau of death.she had taught me the very code of existence.the best way to live is to live.