Almost a million things are going on in my small mind.I am
wondering about my startup and its future.I am optimistic myself but I am
worried about it too.I don’t understand if the track is right,if the people are
right,if I am right in how I am approaching my people,if the vision is clear,if
our idea is strong,if success is a doubt,if people will accept it at
all,whether we are hitting where there is nothing,or we are going good,going
well and that’s how everyone would probably have gone before they became
known.This is not a simple state of mind,its rather so complex that I haven’t
experienced in my life,a feeling alike,ever before.It is distressing and it is
irritating.Its not just my mind which reacts to the situation,its my actions,my
thoughts and my temperament as well.While doing all this I often try to stay as
composed a spossible,I try my best to listen to all sort of criticism and
absorb it,I also try my best to learn a lot from critics,I like those who pinch
me and I like them too who try to hurt me now.This is because of my weird state
of existence right now.I am so hurt already that what could do more wrong.I
have developed a comforting resistance to all this and I have somehow become
very strong.It is almost like a feeling where nothing can be lost.
I almost wonder half of the time when will this all be
over.It is damn tough and very demanding but then I acknowledge these times
with a feeling of curiosity rather than hopelessness.I have one thing which
makes me strong and inspires me during all this.It snot a person or a
feeling.Its rather the toughness itself.I tend to believe that our actions have
probably yet not become so intense that the results would be forced to show
up.I am yet to hit that part on the graph where the points change their plane
and the line changes its orientation and shape.It is also inspiring that what I
am trying to do is not merely build a tent which could serve me to live well.My
aim inspires me a lot.It is ultimately the effect that motivates and gets a
hang over the desolute days and thoughts.
I asked a lot of people about their experiences,difficulties
etc before I started.What they shared was so easy to go through and what I am
going through is so difficult.This question is some sort of a void.This is good
or this is bad can be not known probably untill the end is clear.But you often
hear about an unknown identity trying to push you all the time,and trying to
make sure ou don’t stop.Well,that’s the case here as well because I have always
been made to feel somehow to do even more,a little bit extra,sometimes
different,at times to back off,at times to increase the pace,all that is so
arbitrary.It is like a billion things that lead to those manoeuvers in my
current life and when I think about it I am almost blank.Its very deep and I
don’t expect anyone to understand this.
Strangely,this is also a state I always want to be in.There
is so much pressure that literally you could bend a metal and change the shape
of a diamond if you would place it inside of my body.I often smile at myself
when alone thinking about this experience life has been putting me through.The
me that has become is one who never any longer fantasies about
fame,failure,reputation,wealth.It is my pleasure to have understood that it is
really important to just make sure whatever I do and however I do it,I must not
ever lie to the soul within.I have actualized about myself that there could be
so many attractions in the world that would probably excite that you which
doesn’t even exist.It is rally important to impress yourself all the time.It is
probably a thumb rule to be honest about your body to your soul and the
senses.It is not necessary to mould yourself according to the sight of rest
others.Others that could be important would not even notice such things.
Then there has been an amazing experience of understanding
others as well while I have been undergoing this tremendous whack of a
situation.Its apleasure always to have a chance to know others.My perspective
has changed too.I wouldn’t mean to be harsh but I often see a lot of people
different from me.I notice their every moment of existence in impressing that
which doesn’t exist.Thats a way of life I guess and that’s perfectly okay,it
makes me feel vivid too.Its exciting to have myself as different,atleast in my
own point of view.I have got an amazing respect for those others who behave in
a manner in which that unknown identity behaves.I feel shy to speak to them,I
would often assume they know the future already it seems.They really are an
important part of that billion of things.
This stage is okay to have.I wouldn’t say it’s a pleasure
but I concur that it is a proof of something.I mean ofcourse,if I would
simply,start,grow and end,that’s not impressive to my own self.So I appreciate
the pressure and I want more of it.But I am pretty sure,at the end of the day,I
will have the right layout,the right people,the right time and the right
results.I do feel that my head might burst right now but then somehow,something
holds it together,like always.Thank you god.
